Hello Goodbye

Yes, yes I know....it's been awhile. You can blame China's communist government for that. It's extremely difficult to communicate with the outside world. Thank you, China. But here I am, telling you about my last week in Thailand. It was rough. The end. That's basically all you need to know. But for entertainment sake I guess I can go into more detail.

Twas a busy week in Phichit. Much packing, cleaning, planning, wallowing, sulking, laughing, late nights, corn balling took place. Squeezing in as many smoothy runs as we can. Those things were scrumptulescent. I miss them already. Ice. Chocolate powder. Sweetened condensed milk. Need I say more?

Would ya just look at it? Cutest bunch ever

Other than cramming in all the delicious Thai food we could, our last moments were mostly spent with our kids. As if leaving them wasn't torture enough, they had to be even more adorable than normal. Hugs and loving and pure awesomeness. Quote of the week from Pan: “I love this day! This day I love!!” Ditto Pan....ditto. The last day of class was a strange combination of joy and depression. We basically just goofed off with the kids instead of doing lessons. And by goofed off I mean we lined them up, execution style, and threw giant water balloons at them. Best. Idea. Ever. Sure I destroyed Praewa and made her just a bit upset but I let her get me back so it's all good, right? But all the kids were good sports. We played games and sang songs and enjoyed every second we had until the inevitable. Saying goodbye. That was brutal. Just watching those kids walk to their cars for the last time was something I never ever want to do again. Ever. I would rather my teeth be grinded down with rusty shrapnel than have to bid farewell to my little Mhew Mhew. But it will be okay. The five of us made a pact to come back to Thailand a year from now. We signed an oath with blood. Literally. We literally stabbed our fingers and signed a written document with blood. We mean business. If you think I am kidding, here is our proof....

This is what happens in the last week of Thailand. You flirt with that line between acceptable and insanity. In our case, I think we might have crossed over a few times. But what's life without a little dash of psychosis? After we made the bond in blood, it was time to head off to our last adventure....another weekend in Chiang Mai! You never know what Chiang Mai will bring....elephants, tigers, injuries, a society of bears, abductions....sky's the limit! By some unexplainable force, I was able to come out of this Chiang Mai trip unscathed. That's right...not a single injury! I don't know how I managed to pull that one off, but it happened. Not without near death experiences, however. Once again, it involved a scooter. Me and Kaitlen were just cruising down the canyon, having a gay ol time. No worries, she was driving. I learned my lesson. Anyways, we were haulin it down this canyon and this dude with his kid on the back of his scooter decides to be a complete bafoon and not look both ways before crossing the street. Come on man, this is basic stuff. So what does he do? He starts scootin across the road as me and Kaitlen are billowing towards him. He sees us, we see him, eye contact made, panic ensues, pants crapped and both scooters nearly collide. Dad of the Year stopped his scooter right in front of us. Ya, because that's going to solve our predicament. Luckily for us, our cat-like-reflexes kicked in. Kaitlen hit the brakes (and maybe some gas at the same time) so it made this horrendous screeching sound, because we needed even MORE attention drawn to us. Our scooter about tipped over while still going pretty fast, but both me and Kaitlen just leaned, stomped the ground, kicked our scooter back up, swerved around this yahoo and kept on going. Smooth sailing. It. Was. Unbelievable. How we got out of that one escapes me. A little near death experience ain't done no body no harm. The rest of Chiang Mai was pretty calm. Oh ya. Other than the monsoon that hit us. We survived a tsunami in Phuket, but we were almost terminated by a monsoon at a lake. First of all, this lake was like the search for the Holy Grail. It took EONS to find this place. After many a wrong turn we finally found it. And then got pounded by rain. Lots and lots of rain. It was absolutely nuts. I thought for sure it was the end of days. The waves on this lake were bigger than our tsunami! (which, unfortunately, is not saying much) But like all Thai rains, it passed fairly quickly. And THEN the rest of our time was calm and relaxing. I got to check out some pretty amazing historical sites. A 600 year old trial that led to this sprawling temple. I was speechless. Well for a good 30 seconds or so. You know me, couldn't keep quiet even if I tried. We really did see some truly amazing things that day. We saw a ruin of a temple that dates back to at least the 12^th century. I literally had goose bumps. This is when the history nerd Marci comes out. Its not good. I have very few qualities that make me pass as some what cool. So any time one of my not so charming qualities shine I must stifle it immediately. So what did I do? I chased butterflies. Yup. Because that's cool.

I couldn't have asked for a better way to end my time in Thailand. Great people. Great Environment. Great adventures. It was perfect. Eventually we had to go to that dreadful place that took us away from our magical land. The airport. No body likes airports. Especially when we had to say good bye not only to Thailand, but to each other. Dianna and I continue our adventure onto China, but the rest of the girls went back to America. Me and airports just do not mix. Tip for all those traveling. Don't joke about there being a bomb in your backpack. Just saying. It's a wonder how I didn't get tazed on multiple occasions. But I made it safely on the plane, where I had the honor to sit next to troll man. One of those classy old men with the young Thai wives. As you can imagine that was pure magic sitting next to him.

Alas.....this is it for me and my blog. I am now continuing my adventure in China. I would like to take a quick second to thank Kaitlen, Sheela, Angee, and Dianna for the most wonderful time of my life. They truly are some of the best people I have ever met in my life. I also thank all of my readers for support and some kind reconciliation that my life is at least half way entertaining. Even if its not...just tell me so. Or else. You don't want to know what kind of messed of things I come up with to torture people. I have four girls that can attest to that.

I'm gonna miss these girls

And with that....I bid you all farewell! Be looking for my up and coming blog that will premier sometime in August maybe...for my next adventure! Good luck and God speed.

Help!

Before I begin I should put a disclaimer. NOTE: There will be no pictures in this post. Okay, are you still reading? Most likely not. In which case, I have a confession. I like to bite people's toes off.

So if you didn't stop reading when you found out there wouldn't be any pictures, I am sure I lost you now. Too bad because do I have a story for you! Be prepared for a lot of ranting and raving. Usually I have tales of adventure....not today. This time its about my agonizing experience with the Chinese Embassy in Bangkok. I hope you find it comical because some good needs to come out of this experience. Let's being, shall we?

I am headed to China after my stay here in Thailand so I needed to take a trip to Bangkok to get my visa. Tang (my coordinator) took me for the weekend. Very nice of her, but I was missing my last weekend in Phichit. Already a bummer. But, you know me, gotta keep a positive attitude! Well Monday morning came. Tang had a business meeting so we called a taxi the night before to take me to the embassy. I woke up at 6, got ready and waited for my taxi. No taxi. Wait. No taxi. We called them and apparently the driver got confused so I have to wait another hour and a half for a new taxi to come. Not terrible. Inconvenient, but not terrible. My taxi came and we were off. Just me and the taxi driver. He kept trying to talk to me in Thai, but unfortunately I had no idea what he was saying. I just responded with nervous laughing. It was a fun hour.

I finally got to the Embassy at 9:15. More waiting. That was pretty much most of my day. Waiting. I got my number, 74, and sat down. I was by myself, sitting there, minding my own business, when suddenly this man sits next to me. We start shootin the breeze. He was from America but hasn't lived there for a while. Anywho, after about an hour and a half of waiting I see my number approaching. 70, 71, 72, so I tell this guy its almost my turn. He asks me some random question, I answer and then book it up to the window. I was literally two seconds late. The lady denied me, and the next number came up and she helped the guy behind me. I stood there, baffled at what had just unfolded. She actually turned me away! Two seconds. TWO SECONDS!! Ah well. I figured I could just get a new number. First number: 74. Second number: 177. One hundred and seventy-freakin-seven. But I still kept positive. I mean what else did I have to do besides sit at an embassy all day? At this point it was about 11. Well this man sitting next to me decides he needs to tell me his whole life story. He went on about robotic arms cutting into lungs, ex wife, butterball grand daughter, how great the new ipod shuffle is, pictures of his new Thai wife, yadda yadda yadda. All I know is you definitely realize there is a serious age/maturity difference when he mentions his old company Seman's, and all I can do is smirk. I mean he mentioned it a half a dozen times and every time I stifled a laugh. Yup random guy, I'm immature. Get over it.

Well I proceeded to wait until about 12:40. MY TURN!! Luckily I didn't have too many problems. I filled out a few extra things and was on my way. PHEW!!! Now I just had to kill a couple of hours until I could pick my visa up.

Oh, let me take a break from this story for a moment and tell you one of the most horrific things I have ever seen. I was walking the streets of Bangkok and I saw and old woman. She opened her mouth and started flicking her tongue when suddenly her tooth freed itself from her gums. I shall never be the same...

Back to Hell. I went back to the Embassy at 3. Ya this is turning into an all day thing. I got there slightly early so I would be one of the first in line. More waiting, then time to pick up my visa. You are supposed to wait in the first line, pay, get a receipt, go to the next line, get visa. I go up to the window to pay, but they just handed my money back without a word. You could say I was a bit confused at this point. Remember, no one speaks English, I don't speak Thai. Creates quite the barrier. I went to the next window thinking they could help me. They told me to go to the next window where I had a lovely conversation with a woman. She asked what my occupation was in America. I told her receptionist. On the application I had to write my company information. She started questioning me about Lifetouch. She said her boss wanted to talk to me. So I had to talk to this lady's boss about Lifetouch! She was concerned that we took pictures for the news. She was accusing me of having alternative reasons for visiting China, ergo, I wasn't going to get my flippin visa because I answered phones and a photography company that takes pictures for a year book. I wanted to stab this lady's eyeballs with the dried up pen she gave me to use. Instead I tried to be as pleasant as possible. After being interrogated for a good fifteen minutes, they told me to wait. MORE WAITING. I had to wait till every single person was done, for reasons I do not know, then they FINALLY gave me my visa. Thank you Chinese Embassy for being the most unpleasant business I have ever had to deal with. Ever. I am making you a plaque. But at least I got my visa. That was the goal.

The next step in my journey involved flagging down a taxi. I was able to get one no problem, gave him the address Tang gave me, hoping he knew where he was going because I sure didn't. I get in this taxi, just me and him. I'm in the back seat, chillin. I could tell he wanted to make conversation but he knew that was a dead end. (see language barrier). Instead we sat in silence. The poor guy. Any one who has been in my presence for more than five minutes knows that I emit awkwardness from my inner being. I can't help it, it's in my nature. I, however, am used to it. This taxi driver, unfortunately was not. The fidgeting began. Than the sighing. Gurgling, scratching, tapping. The awkwardness was literally tearing this guy apart. Occasionally, he would open his mouth to say something but remember I'm an idiot who doesn't know Thai. Finally, the silence was too much for him so he turned on the radio. It was the slow turning of the knob where he would test the volume and realize he needed to go louder to drown out my aura. Once he reached optimal awkwardness stifling volume (ya, that's a real thing) he was able to relax a bit. Until he caught me staring at him in the rear view mirror. That freaked him out a bit. I will say it again....I CAN'T HELP IT! I'm awkward, okay? I surprised he didn't swerve into oncoming traffic to end his misery. He must have been thinking death was surely a better choice than having to put up with whatever he was experience. But after an hour of suffering, a few more notch turns on the radio and trial and error of locating the correct address, I made it home safely, visa in hand.

I have never been so happy to be back in Phichit with my adorable kiddos. Sadly, it has to come to an end soon. My last days here are sure to be memorable. Hope those who endured this post enjoyed. Peace and Love :)

Fool on the Hill

Salutations! My apologies for being non existent for two weeks. I haven't had that lovely thing called the internet. So bear with me, I have a lot to cover! Our journey begins in Bangkok. Oh Bangkok. We spent three days there and it was our little American getaway. So you saw the midnight showing of Hunger Games? Well I saw Hunger Games, IN THAILAND! We also gave in to Titanic in 3D. I mean come on, you can't pass that up. People falling to their deaths in 3D. Among all the American activities, we were able to squeeze in a few Thai festivites. We visited some markets. Unfortunately, the van ride to the markets made me ill. The whole way I was plotting where I would spew. My only plan was to swallow it or just keep it in my mouth. It's a good thing I never vomited because my strategy was sub par. Once the nausea ceased it was actually an awesome day. First we visited a market that was on some train tracks. Once the train starts coming they pull everything in in a matter of seconds, wait for the train to pass, then back to business.

Here comes the train!

The market

Next stop was the floating market. That was really cool. There is this river and all these boats are there with things to buy. We walked around for a bit, but the coolest part was we went for a boat ride on the river. When it got dark you could see fireflies in the trees, FIREFLIES. You know the first part of Pirates of the Caribbean, the ride? When you are in the bayou? Ya, that was my life, right there. One of those moments where I new I was in Thailand.

Just a couple of kids

We spent Easter Sunday in Bangkok. And you wanna know how we celebrated the Resurrection of our Lord? Let me show ya....

Mexican food...we devoured those suckers. Well not in one night. Unfortunately the next morning we left for the airport on our way to Phuket. And I didn't want a perfectly good burrito to go to waste. So naturally I ate it. At the airport. Before going through security. Did I get judging looks? Yes. Did I look like an animal? Yes. Did I enjoy every bite? Better believe it. You know what, after four months of Thai food, you can't judge me for my actions. 

Okay so now we are at the airport. After a couple of hours of people watching (its amazing the kinds of people you see) we boarded our plane. Nothing exciting, just sitting in my seat next to a DB, when all of a sudden what appears to be a gas starts billowing into the plane. It was coming from the sides and top. I look back at Kaitlen, she looks at me and we for sure thought we would be knocked out from toxic gas. When we took off it got even worse, then dissipated. We stayed conscious and alive so can't complain!

Livin the good life

Our arrival to Phuket....or should I say paradise. Quite arguably the best week of my existence. You can't go wrong with warm ocean water, a beach, sunny weather, and relaxation. Well.....there was a tiny bump in the road. And by a tiny bump I mean a tsunami. The irony....before we left that's all we joked about. I guess you are wanting the details. Here they are. Twas a warm sunny day. The slight breeze flowing through my sand coated dreads. The view of ocean and old men in spedos. Smell of salt, spring rolls and cigarettes. Kaitlen and I decided to take a jaunt around the streets to do some shopping. Though something was a rye. It was the middle of the day, but all the shops were closing. The proprietors we hauling down their aluminum shields. You would think this should have raised a red flag in my brain, but of course my response was "Why the crap are they closing their stores. It's an inconvenience." Silly me....so instead of shopping we decided to head to our hostel for a moment. We tread up the stairs, chit chatting about nonsense when our front desk lady bursts through the door, denies entry, fear in her eyes, out of breath, but manages to say "Earthquake....8.9......GET OUT" Me and Kaitlen look at each other, speechless. The terror I was experiencing (now comical) was shattering. We had no idea what to do. When in doubt...RUN FOR THE HILLS! But first I sprinted to the beach to get Dianna and Angee. Those poor girls....I see Dianna lounging on the chair so I figured she had no idea. I panic, sprint, sweat, babble "there's gonna be an earthquake." Turns out they new, but unlike myself, they had the message calmly delivered to them. Apparently the earthquake was in Indonesia, the same place that caused an earthquake to hit our beach two years ago. Thank you leather skin man for being calm. My apologies to Dianna and Angee for freaking them out. They thought for sure Kaitlen was dead somewhere....sorry bout that. The evacuation siren started to go off. That's when you know it's the real deal.  We saw a man that was in the middle of getting a tattoo when we had to evacuate. That's some crazy sign telling him he wasn't supposed to get that tattoo. Poor guy....hope he gets a refund.

Panic in the streets!

But then we got our butts in gear and got to high ground. We literally scaled a mountain in 15 minutes flat. We hauled some serious A. What we weren't expecting was to turn the corner and there to be a beach mansion with people lounging in a pool. Turns out these group of people found a crow bar or something and busted the fence. No one was home so we just helped ourselves! I wish I could be there when those people got home..."What the crap happened to our fence?!" Any who...back to running for our lives. So we just chilled in this pool, (that I may or may not have peed in....desperate times call for desperate measures!) waiting for the tsunami to hit.   Turns out, the tsunami was about 2 meters. Anti climatic for sure. But we had to stay at this house until we got the word it was safe. So some random strangers made dinner for fifty plus people. Even in a tsunami we are spoiled. But we are safe and sound. I can now cross "survive a tsunami" off of my bucket list.

Lounging around, waiting for the tsunami

Once the tsunami was over, normal life ensued. Back to relaxation. Well....not quite. The next day was the Thai New Year. They call in Songkran which is this MASSIVE water festival. Basically you can't walk two feet without getting drenched. The streets are filled with people splashing, squirting, soaking.....water everywhere! It's utter mayhem. At one point a fire truck came onto the streets and sprayed us with their hose. For about two or three days I had forgotten what it felt like to be dry. The Thai people know how to throw a party! It got to a point where I really just wanted to be able to walk across the street in peace, but that wasn't gonna happen. Until I gave them my crazy eyes. Nobody wants to mess with a crazy person. And it wouldn't be a vacation if I didn't have some kind of ailment. The first day of Songkran, I got extremely dehydrated. I mean I have never been this dehydrated in my life. To give you an idea of how bad it was, at some point I passed out in the bathroom. I woke up on that nasty floor, not having any clue where I was. Then, to my surprise I found an elephant on the wall. That's right...an elephant. I looked for it the next day, but it wasn't there. Do you believe me when I say that was the most dehydrated I have ever been? It sucked because it was the first night of the water festival so my gang went out to the battle field, while I had to stay in the room and find my sanity. It's always something with me....

My last adventure in Phuket was our tour to the Phi Phi Islands. One word. GORGEOUS! We took a speed boat to all these different islands. I will let the pictures speak for themselves. 

Oh if you are wondering who the fellow is in the back, that is
our friend Neil, not a rapist. 

Boats

Khai Island

Monkey Beach

Twas a grand day at the Phi Phi Islands. Oh, did I mention that our tour guide was a lady man? He/she, we like to say Shim for short, was one of the most annoying human beings I have ever encountered. Words can't describe. Shim kept lap dancing and screaming and changing outfits....I was ready to backhand that lady boy. But all in all, I had the time of my life.

That wondrous vacation had to come to an end at some point. When we came back, we were literally depressed. How pathetic are we? We had a lot of laughs, a lot of terror, but mostly laughs. Hope you have enjoyed this post. If you couldn't tell I had ADD before, I am sure you know now. I apologize for the amounts of confusion you may have experienced while reading this. I should start putting a disclaimer at the top. Until next tiiiiiiiiiiiime......peace and love :)

Helter Skelter

About a week ago, summer school began. What does this mean for us? It means our class size doubled. Instead of having 20 kids, we now have 45, which is about 11 in each group. 5 year old X 11=  CHAOS. Don't get me wrong, love the kids, but any stresses I had as a teacher has multiplied greatly. Sometimes, I just like to sit back and watch the havoc unfold. The thought process of a three year old is astounding. Pick up pencil. Look at pencil. Look at kid sitting next to you. Look back at pencil. Start whacking adjacent kid with pencil as many times as you can before I rip the pencil out of your clenched fist with the Jaws of Life. Gotta love kids. But they are also incredibly adorable. Examples:

I was doing a demonstration in the corner of the classroom. I needed some helpers. So me and a couple of kids are acting out the activity when randomly Ongry jumps out of his seat, runs to me, wraps his arms around me and says, "I love you Teacher Marci!" That child knows how to make my day :)

I was trying to teach the little one year olds how to say robot. "Ro-bot. Its a robot. Ro-bot. Can you say robot?" All four of them start to sing Row Row Row your boat. Robot. Row your boat. Tomayto Tomahto (had to write that one phonetically so you would understand. Don't judge).

Ongry is leaving school. We say our goodbyes, then he runs to his dad, leaps in the air and does a heal click. I hereby declare Ongry to be a stupendous gentleman of sorts.

I have about a million more examples of why these kids are the most awesome kids on earth as we know it, but this would turn into a novel. As if my blog posts aren't long enough.

In other news, another exciting event of our lives in Phichit was our mid-semester visit. Jared (a director from ILP) came to see how the school was running. None of us realized how weird we were until our conversations were being observed by an outsider. Those judgmental looks directed at us while talking about our desire for magical foot elves to massage our feet. I don't care who you are, little feet massaging elves is a great idea! It didn't really start to sink in that we aren't exactly normal until Jared walked in on "story time." What's story time you ask? Well I'll tell you. I read The Hunger Games out loud to my roommates. And I have a different voice for each character. Go ahead Jared. Judge me. But I know that all you reading this secretly wished that I read to you in a variety of voices.

We also went to a movie this week!! Woooo! And yes, it WAS in Thai. Before the movie started, it played a little slide show to pay respects to the King. As we looked around to see what the locals were doing, we frantically stood up to, you know, pay our respects. That lasted a good minute. Then the movie started. The movie was Mirror Mirror. Now.....this movie....was....how do I say.....an abomination to film making and society as we know it. And had it been in English, I can only imagine it would have made it worse. Don't worry, I laughed my loud obnoxious laugh through the whole thing. 70 baht well spent.

The last of my adventures I shall share with you are the beginnings of Home Visits. We have done three this week. A home visit is basically where you go to the student's home, the parents feed you a massive dinner while the child hides behind their mom. The first house we wen to was Mhew Mhew's (my mini me for those who need a refresher). Her greeting was priceless. She was in those bouncer/chair/tray/rolley things (my writing at its best). She was in that thing and said hello and scooted around the floor. The best description we came up with was Dr. Octopus from Spiderman. The resemblance was uncanny.

Name was our next visit. Her parents brought her out in her stroller. Let me back up. The running joke her has been if you ever want to get out of a situation you don't want to be in, just pretend you are asleep. Guess what Name did? She pretended she was asleep. For probably 30 minutes. And boy, is she an active sleeper. She grabbed some flowers, and pushed Kaitlen's hand away with her leg, threw a mango, hung on to her dad like a monkey, it was quite remarkable. And it also proved our theory.

The last one we visited was Kaow Tung. What a surprise! We turn to corner to go to his house and there, before our very eyes, was not a humble abode, but a sprawling manor. The kid lives in a freakin palace basically. MTV Cribs needs to come over there. Apparently his dad is a politician, so they have body guards and servants out the wazoo. Didn't see that one coming at all. We were expecting to walk in and see Kaow Tung in a white fur robe, gold chain, mullet flowing, petting a leopard, and sitting on a chaise made out of a bear. He was actually super excited to see us which made him even more awesome.

Well that is all for now. My apologies for the lack of pictures. I know most of you probably won't even read this line because you stopped when you saw the text to image ratio. I take full blame. Anywho....I am off to my 10 day vacation in just a few hours. You shall be hearing all about it soon enough!

The Long and Winding Road

Here I am, to spin you a yarn of my travels. This time our weekend adventures led us to the country of Laos. The biggest reason for our visit was because we needed to renew our visas, but you better believe we made a good time out of it! The first part of our journey entails the ride to Laos. We were so excited because our driver (yup, we have a personal driver) was going to take us in our roomy van. Now, you must know, we left at 11:30 PM and had a 6 hour drive ahead of us. Plan: sleep all the way. Execution: lay awake while being jostled around. No, jostled isn't the right word. More like being launched into space itself. No lie, at one point, I was levitating. My first thought was that I really was a wizard after all. Then reality struck and I was just a mere muggle seeing my last few moments on planet earth. I don't know how someone can actually drive like that and not fly off the road. Amazing. This ride was so bumpy that it popped my contact right out of my eyeball. Its a miracle I even found it. And then about ten miracles after that that I actually KEPT my contact. The Gods were trying to take away my sight for three days. When I found my contact, it was all dried up. I went into doctor mode and grabbed the first water bottle in sight and not dumped, but threw water onto the contact. As you can imagine, most of it landed on my pants. My next solution: carry it around in a lid from a water bottle. So...I filled out my paper work, handed my passport over, bought my bus pass, rode the bus, crossed the border, all while holding my specimen in that lid. Not suspicious at all. 

Alas, we made it to Laos. Such a funny place. It was fun! But strange. Kaitlen, Angee, and I went to a water park for our first exposure to Laos. The disappointment when we arrived was laughable. There were slides, but no water. We did however find a "lazy river." Only not so much lazy as stagnant. You know you have been out of America a long time when this conversation ensues: 

"Is that a band-aid or a fish?"

"Dunno."

"Ah well."

And proceed to get in the water. Picture us walking in this "lazy river," feeling the slime on the bottom. Then some guy yells, "GET. OUT." Turns out the thing wasn't workign. Haha he was probably wondering why we would ever want to get in it in the first place. Lucky for us, they turned the water on and happiness was brought back to the earth. 

We saw a lot of cool things in Laos. Like this arch:

And this temple:

And this statue:

But I want to fast forward to the fountain. We saw this fountain, nothing too special. I mean it was cool, it changed colors. But its what happened at the fountain that I want to share with you. So occasionally we ask a passerby to take our group photo. We use Dianna's camera because it's the nicest, but you have to look through the camera instead of having a little screen. This confuses people to no end. Particularly the lady at the fountain. We all pose together waiting for her to take it. First her problem was not being able to find the right button to push. It took about five tries for her to find the right button. Then her next issue was knowing where to look. Dianna explained to her she needed to look through it. If only I had a picture of what her idea of looking through it meant. So instead I drew you a crude sketch of what I saw:

As you can see (more or less) She was looking through the space between the pop up flash and the top of the camera. So we just see her confused, blinking eye staring at us. The poor girl. We are all in hysterics over her inability to work a camera. I was buckled over with laughter. In the end, we got a good photo. 

One of the downsides of Laos: Humanity. We had to wait in line to get our visas so we went about an hour and a half early so that we could get in and get out. Well apparently people don't have any concept of a line. They just moseyed on to the front of the gate, totally aware that there was a line but quote, "didn't want to wait that long." It was astounding how many people cut in front of us. Not only were they butting, but it was the type of people who were committing such an act. The type of people I am talking about? Old, old, old men (did I mention they were OLD) with their young floosy Lao wives. That's right, they use their money to buy these loose women. It. Was. Sick. Some things cannot be unseen. 

Other than losing my faith in the human race, Laos was a great vacation! The ride home was not as bumpy, thank goodness. But I did have a self realization. You can't say Dumbledore in a serious conversation more than five times and expect to still sound like a mature adult. Learned that one the hard way. 

Well friends and fellow stalkers, hope you enjoyed my adventurous, be it long, story of my travels to Laos! Until next time, Peace and Love :)

If I Fell

Well, well, well, another successful weekend in Chiang Mai. It's a magical town where time stops. Once again we left late Friday night and took that blasted bus of horror. 6 hours. Loud Asian music. Psychotic music videos. Those are like a train wreck. So terrifying yet you can't look away. But the important thing is, I was able to sit behind Kaitlen so I could pluck out her hairs for my collection. All in all a successful bus ride! (If that isn't unsettling to you in anyway....then there is no hope for humanity). We arrived in Chiang Mai at the butt crack of dawn where we met our new friend! Some dude traveling alone joined us to our hostel. His name is Nathan, from Canada. Cool story Hansel. (About 3% of you will get that joke).

Onto my adventures. The first thing on our list is......TIGERS! Can I just say, my heart exploded with love when we got to play with the baby tigers.

Ain't he the cutest?

Making a giant leap towards Crazy Cat Lady

Those were the babies. It really doesn't get any cuter than that. Next stop. The somewhat-larger-but-still-on the-small-scale tigers. These ones are 6 months old. The only problem is, there is no comfortable way of posing with these creatures. You can't go in front of them. Soooo...you must spoon their hind legs basically. And the bigger they get, the more awkward the pose. Observe. 

This one..not too bad. It's borderline awkward but soon I just jump right over that line. 

I always gotta be creepin

And for the next size up....

This just in, we have crossed the border into Awkwardville.

Awkward Family Photo, anyone?

Funny thing about this picture. While we were posing for this, the tiger on the left totally back handed me with its tail. Slapped me! Right across the face! Other than the shock of how much a tail slap hurt, it was hilarious! Unfortunately, it wasn't documented....wa wa :(

And for the last tiger experience....

The Big One

I don't care who you are, there's no right way to spoon a giant tiger. 

Our Canadian friend

So the tiger thing was great, right? Our next little event involved some scooters. That's right scooters. Me. On a scooter. SCOOTERS! Did I make it clear that I was riding a scooter? In Thailand? Where they drive on the left side of the road?? They don't really have right of way or anything. Its just whoever drive faster gets to go. But hey, if it works, it works! Eventually we got the hang of it. But in about the first 30 seconds, this is what happened:

How did this happen, you ask? Well, have a sit and let me tell you! It all started on a hot day on the streets of Chiang Mai.....we get on our scooters and of course, mine is all sorts of jacked up. That's right, it was the scooters fault ;) This particular scooter decided it would be a good idea to randomly kill while I was goin along (kill as in stop moving, not kill as in shoot balls of flames at pedestrians) but then jerk forward with more momentum then in the first place. AKA it was trying to kill me. (This time kill as in cracking my skull into a million pieces, not kill as in stop me from moving). So as fate would have it, on my first turn sure enough my scooter stops then having a force greater then Yoda himself (ya I just went there) the thing jerked forward. Then time stopped. I hope you picture the next train of events in slow motion. As I am hurling forward I see this guy on his scooter. Stationary. He just stared at me, coming straight at him. And I can only imagine that the image on my face was trying to communicate "I am terrified, but also I apologize for what is about to happen." I knew it was coming but there was nothing I could do. He knew it was coming. But there was nothing he could do either. I swiped him. I am not quite sure the extent of my swiping but I MIGHT have gotten his foot. At least he has a story to tell. This collision caused me to be thrown from my scooter onto the pavement where I got my lovely cut you see above along with crazy bruises located on my inner thighs, chest, neck and arm. I am lucky I didn't get run over by the car I landed in front of. I almost wish I would have, so end the embarrassment. The scooter was on top of me, and the throttle was hitting the ground at just the right angle to make my back tire go "RRRRRRRRRIIINNNGDDDDDINNNGDIIIINGGGGGG" and if I already hadn't drawn enough attention the horn on my scooter was honking. There you have it. I am an imbecile. But after the commotion ensued, I actually had quite an enjoyable scoot. 

Temple we found on our ride

The extremely smoggy view

The rest of Chiang Mai was filled with great conversations, shopping, and gorgeous temples. Overall, another glorious weekend in Thailand. And just for your personal enjoyment, I will add these. Because I know you want these burned into your memory:

Peace and Love :)

All You Need is Love

Here I am again with another yarn from my journey over seas. To start off, I shall tell you all about.....wait for it.....the Thai Wedding! Our coordinator Tang has been planning her wedding while we have been here. Her husband to be...Ake. What a guy :) It seemed so far away when we arrived, but out of nowhere it came! And this is how it went:

Event number 1: wake up at 4:30 AM. It's already sounding fun, right?

Event number 2: Thai teachers dress us in our tradition Thai attire. These dresses were gorgeous. Be that as it may, they weren't the most flattering article of clothing I have ever worn. 

Getting dressed. I am kind of just creepily standing there.

Event number 3: wait about two hours to get our hair and make up done. Yup, you heard me. Tang and Ake hired two guys to do our hair and makeup. They were quite the duo. They didn't speak much English. About the only thing I could understand was "Smokey eyeeeeeeeeee" and "Super staaaaaaar" and "Princess Dianaaaaaaaa" and something about questioning me if I even liked makeup. Guess I just give off that grungy, homeless, butch vibe. Oh and lots of laughter. Directed at us. Don't know why you cause such an uproar in hilarity, but hey, think of all the fairies that are being born because I can make two gay guys laugh for about an hour straight without saying anything. And, there's probably a rule somewhere that a gay laugh births two fairies instead of one. Haha line. Crossed. 

Finished product. And you said dreads couldn't look fancy....

Event number 4: Morning ceremony. Unfortunately I missed a great deal of the beginning part. They start with the Engagement. So instead of getting engaged months in advance like we do in the states, they get engaged the morning of their wedding. A good three hours was just Tang and Ake sitting while monks chanted (which was pretty cool) and lots of bowing and and such. Then they moved to a table where each person poured holy water in the bride and groom's hands. If you know me at all, you are probably feeling nervous for me right about now. Me, holding a glass conch, filled with holy water, pouring it in the hands of the bride and groom, in front of a hundred people. The good news is I surprised myself and escaped any embarrassing or humiliating maneuvers. Hooray for me!

Morning Ceremony. My advanced photography skills managed to get
Mom's spiky hair and the video guy. Ya.....we will say I was going for that. 

Eh, eh?? How many people get to wear traditional Thai dresses at a Thai  wedding?? Tell me!

Event number 5: I think this was the actual marriage ceremony. Not certain. But the basic idea was that Ake had to buy Tang from her parents. And this is where it became very clear to me that A) money is not an issue with these people and B) I need a daughter to marry a Thai guy. Ake gave them cases and cases of expensive looking jewelry. It doesn't stop there. There were a couple of stacks of wrapped up money. And each bill was 1000 baht! I can't even calculate how much baht that must have been. 1000 baht is equivalent to about 33 dollars. There was probably a couple hundred thousand baht, possibly more. These guys are rollin in the dough!

Marriage Ceremony

Giving of gifts

Event number 6: So after the marriage ceremony, everyone lines up and ties. one string on the groom's wrist and one on the bride's. I just thought you waited your turn, then once you got up there just tie the string on and leave. Oh no. I was wrong. While I am tying my string onto Ake's wrist, he says something to me. It was that awkward moment where I didn't really hear what he said so I just chuckled, waved my hand around a bit, and moved on. APPARENTLY, what Ake DID say was "Okay now make a wish for me" and my response was supposed to be something like "I wish happiness for you and Tang" or "I wish that you will be successful in your job" or "I wish that you will grow wings a fly across the world and discover uncharted land where unicorns reside as intelligent beings" would have been better than: "Make a wish for me" "Oh, ha ah ah ah ha ahhhhh..." and move on. But all is well because at the end of the line they give you a gift. I got a towel.

This next event was one of my favorites, number 7: Now that they are married Ake must "find" Tang. So Tang hid somewhere in the school and Ake searched for her. But he had to cross barriers to get to her. This is where I come in. You and a partner are supposed to hold a line (in our case, a yellow piece of yarn. Ya, we are high class) and once Ake comes to your barrier you much negotiate a price he must pay to get passed. I thought this was all just a ruse to involve the guests, but I was delighted to discover that me and my group scored 1300 baht! It ended up being about 7 bucks each! Thai people know how to throw a wedding...

Our winnings 

This concluded the 6 hours of rituals. We were able to have a break in the afternoon. I know what your thinking, there's more?! I will pretend that the "there's more?!" that just escaped your lips was in excitement, not dismay.

Event number 8: Hair and makeup. Again. Only this time we weren't as important. Guests kept meandering in as they pleased to get all gussied up. And instead of picking the girls that had been waiting for 4 hours, they chose the diva basking in her throne of over compensated narcissism. Yup, I derived that by just watching them do her makeup. So what, sue me! Unfortunately, thanks to Miss Diva Pants, we missed the first part of the reception. Which was our students holding Tang's train and throwing flowers. I lost sleep over that one. But not to fear, we got our hair did and our smokey eye on and joined the party. 

Oh Prae... :)

You can deduce a lot about a person who wears a Tinkerbell costume to a wedding

Love this kid

Good ol' Tang

And there you have it! After a long day of matrimony, we finally got to rest. (For a few hours that is, but that's whole other story entirely). If you would like to see more pictures of the wedding, refer to my facebook page. Please. And once again, I will keep you posted on my adventures! Until next time, Peace and Love :)