Help!

Before I begin I should put a disclaimer. NOTE: There will be no pictures in this post. Okay, are you still reading? Most likely not. In which case, I have a confession. I like to bite people's toes off.

So if you didn't stop reading when you found out there wouldn't be any pictures, I am sure I lost you now. Too bad because do I have a story for you! Be prepared for a lot of ranting and raving. Usually I have tales of adventure....not today. This time its about my agonizing experience with the Chinese Embassy in Bangkok. I hope you find it comical because some good needs to come out of this experience. Let's being, shall we?

I am headed to China after my stay here in Thailand so I needed to take a trip to Bangkok to get my visa. Tang (my coordinator) took me for the weekend. Very nice of her, but I was missing my last weekend in Phichit. Already a bummer. But, you know me, gotta keep a positive attitude! Well Monday morning came. Tang had a business meeting so we called a taxi the night before to take me to the embassy. I woke up at 6, got ready and waited for my taxi. No taxi. Wait. No taxi. We called them and apparently the driver got confused so I have to wait another hour and a half for a new taxi to come. Not terrible. Inconvenient, but not terrible. My taxi came and we were off. Just me and the taxi driver. He kept trying to talk to me in Thai, but unfortunately I had no idea what he was saying. I just responded with nervous laughing. It was a fun hour.

I finally got to the Embassy at 9:15. More waiting. That was pretty much most of my day. Waiting. I got my number, 74, and sat down. I was by myself, sitting there, minding my own business, when suddenly this man sits next to me. We start shootin the breeze. He was from America but hasn't lived there for a while. Anywho, after about an hour and a half of waiting I see my number approaching. 70, 71, 72, so I tell this guy its almost my turn. He asks me some random question, I answer and then book it up to the window. I was literally two seconds late. The lady denied me, and the next number came up and she helped the guy behind me. I stood there, baffled at what had just unfolded. She actually turned me away! Two seconds. TWO SECONDS!! Ah well. I figured I could just get a new number. First number: 74. Second number: 177. One hundred and seventy-freakin-seven. But I still kept positive. I mean what else did I have to do besides sit at an embassy all day? At this point it was about 11. Well this man sitting next to me decides he needs to tell me his whole life story. He went on about robotic arms cutting into lungs, ex wife, butterball grand daughter, how great the new ipod shuffle is, pictures of his new Thai wife, yadda yadda yadda. All I know is you definitely realize there is a serious age/maturity difference when he mentions his old company Seman's, and all I can do is smirk. I mean he mentioned it a half a dozen times and every time I stifled a laugh. Yup random guy, I'm immature. Get over it.

Well I proceeded to wait until about 12:40. MY TURN!! Luckily I didn't have too many problems. I filled out a few extra things and was on my way. PHEW!!! Now I just had to kill a couple of hours until I could pick my visa up.

Oh, let me take a break from this story for a moment and tell you one of the most horrific things I have ever seen. I was walking the streets of Bangkok and I saw and old woman. She opened her mouth and started flicking her tongue when suddenly her tooth freed itself from her gums. I shall never be the same...

Back to Hell. I went back to the Embassy at 3. Ya this is turning into an all day thing. I got there slightly early so I would be one of the first in line. More waiting, then time to pick up my visa. You are supposed to wait in the first line, pay, get a receipt, go to the next line, get visa. I go up to the window to pay, but they just handed my money back without a word. You could say I was a bit confused at this point. Remember, no one speaks English, I don't speak Thai. Creates quite the barrier. I went to the next window thinking they could help me. They told me to go to the next window where I had a lovely conversation with a woman. She asked what my occupation was in America. I told her receptionist. On the application I had to write my company information. She started questioning me about Lifetouch. She said her boss wanted to talk to me. So I had to talk to this lady's boss about Lifetouch! She was concerned that we took pictures for the news. She was accusing me of having alternative reasons for visiting China, ergo, I wasn't going to get my flippin visa because I answered phones and a photography company that takes pictures for a year book. I wanted to stab this lady's eyeballs with the dried up pen she gave me to use. Instead I tried to be as pleasant as possible. After being interrogated for a good fifteen minutes, they told me to wait. MORE WAITING. I had to wait till every single person was done, for reasons I do not know, then they FINALLY gave me my visa. Thank you Chinese Embassy for being the most unpleasant business I have ever had to deal with. Ever. I am making you a plaque. But at least I got my visa. That was the goal.

The next step in my journey involved flagging down a taxi. I was able to get one no problem, gave him the address Tang gave me, hoping he knew where he was going because I sure didn't. I get in this taxi, just me and him. I'm in the back seat, chillin. I could tell he wanted to make conversation but he knew that was a dead end. (see language barrier). Instead we sat in silence. The poor guy. Any one who has been in my presence for more than five minutes knows that I emit awkwardness from my inner being. I can't help it, it's in my nature. I, however, am used to it. This taxi driver, unfortunately was not. The fidgeting began. Than the sighing. Gurgling, scratching, tapping. The awkwardness was literally tearing this guy apart. Occasionally, he would open his mouth to say something but remember I'm an idiot who doesn't know Thai. Finally, the silence was too much for him so he turned on the radio. It was the slow turning of the knob where he would test the volume and realize he needed to go louder to drown out my aura. Once he reached optimal awkwardness stifling volume (ya, that's a real thing) he was able to relax a bit. Until he caught me staring at him in the rear view mirror. That freaked him out a bit. I will say it again....I CAN'T HELP IT! I'm awkward, okay? I surprised he didn't swerve into oncoming traffic to end his misery. He must have been thinking death was surely a better choice than having to put up with whatever he was experience. But after an hour of suffering, a few more notch turns on the radio and trial and error of locating the correct address, I made it home safely, visa in hand.

I have never been so happy to be back in Phichit with my adorable kiddos. Sadly, it has to come to an end soon. My last days here are sure to be memorable. Hope those who endured this post enjoyed. Peace and Love :)

Fool on the Hill

Salutations! My apologies for being non existent for two weeks. I haven't had that lovely thing called the internet. So bear with me, I have a lot to cover! Our journey begins in Bangkok. Oh Bangkok. We spent three days there and it was our little American getaway. So you saw the midnight showing of Hunger Games? Well I saw Hunger Games, IN THAILAND! We also gave in to Titanic in 3D. I mean come on, you can't pass that up. People falling to their deaths in 3D. Among all the American activities, we were able to squeeze in a few Thai festivites. We visited some markets. Unfortunately, the van ride to the markets made me ill. The whole way I was plotting where I would spew. My only plan was to swallow it or just keep it in my mouth. It's a good thing I never vomited because my strategy was sub par. Once the nausea ceased it was actually an awesome day. First we visited a market that was on some train tracks. Once the train starts coming they pull everything in in a matter of seconds, wait for the train to pass, then back to business.

Here comes the train!

The market

Next stop was the floating market. That was really cool. There is this river and all these boats are there with things to buy. We walked around for a bit, but the coolest part was we went for a boat ride on the river. When it got dark you could see fireflies in the trees, FIREFLIES. You know the first part of Pirates of the Caribbean, the ride? When you are in the bayou? Ya, that was my life, right there. One of those moments where I new I was in Thailand.

Just a couple of kids

We spent Easter Sunday in Bangkok. And you wanna know how we celebrated the Resurrection of our Lord? Let me show ya....

Mexican food...we devoured those suckers. Well not in one night. Unfortunately the next morning we left for the airport on our way to Phuket. And I didn't want a perfectly good burrito to go to waste. So naturally I ate it. At the airport. Before going through security. Did I get judging looks? Yes. Did I look like an animal? Yes. Did I enjoy every bite? Better believe it. You know what, after four months of Thai food, you can't judge me for my actions. 

Okay so now we are at the airport. After a couple of hours of people watching (its amazing the kinds of people you see) we boarded our plane. Nothing exciting, just sitting in my seat next to a DB, when all of a sudden what appears to be a gas starts billowing into the plane. It was coming from the sides and top. I look back at Kaitlen, she looks at me and we for sure thought we would be knocked out from toxic gas. When we took off it got even worse, then dissipated. We stayed conscious and alive so can't complain!

Livin the good life

Our arrival to Phuket....or should I say paradise. Quite arguably the best week of my existence. You can't go wrong with warm ocean water, a beach, sunny weather, and relaxation. Well.....there was a tiny bump in the road. And by a tiny bump I mean a tsunami. The irony....before we left that's all we joked about. I guess you are wanting the details. Here they are. Twas a warm sunny day. The slight breeze flowing through my sand coated dreads. The view of ocean and old men in spedos. Smell of salt, spring rolls and cigarettes. Kaitlen and I decided to take a jaunt around the streets to do some shopping. Though something was a rye. It was the middle of the day, but all the shops were closing. The proprietors we hauling down their aluminum shields. You would think this should have raised a red flag in my brain, but of course my response was "Why the crap are they closing their stores. It's an inconvenience." Silly me....so instead of shopping we decided to head to our hostel for a moment. We tread up the stairs, chit chatting about nonsense when our front desk lady bursts through the door, denies entry, fear in her eyes, out of breath, but manages to say "Earthquake....8.9......GET OUT" Me and Kaitlen look at each other, speechless. The terror I was experiencing (now comical) was shattering. We had no idea what to do. When in doubt...RUN FOR THE HILLS! But first I sprinted to the beach to get Dianna and Angee. Those poor girls....I see Dianna lounging on the chair so I figured she had no idea. I panic, sprint, sweat, babble "there's gonna be an earthquake." Turns out they new, but unlike myself, they had the message calmly delivered to them. Apparently the earthquake was in Indonesia, the same place that caused an earthquake to hit our beach two years ago. Thank you leather skin man for being calm. My apologies to Dianna and Angee for freaking them out. They thought for sure Kaitlen was dead somewhere....sorry bout that. The evacuation siren started to go off. That's when you know it's the real deal.  We saw a man that was in the middle of getting a tattoo when we had to evacuate. That's some crazy sign telling him he wasn't supposed to get that tattoo. Poor guy....hope he gets a refund.

Panic in the streets!

But then we got our butts in gear and got to high ground. We literally scaled a mountain in 15 minutes flat. We hauled some serious A. What we weren't expecting was to turn the corner and there to be a beach mansion with people lounging in a pool. Turns out these group of people found a crow bar or something and busted the fence. No one was home so we just helped ourselves! I wish I could be there when those people got home..."What the crap happened to our fence?!" Any who...back to running for our lives. So we just chilled in this pool, (that I may or may not have peed in....desperate times call for desperate measures!) waiting for the tsunami to hit.   Turns out, the tsunami was about 2 meters. Anti climatic for sure. But we had to stay at this house until we got the word it was safe. So some random strangers made dinner for fifty plus people. Even in a tsunami we are spoiled. But we are safe and sound. I can now cross "survive a tsunami" off of my bucket list.

Lounging around, waiting for the tsunami

Once the tsunami was over, normal life ensued. Back to relaxation. Well....not quite. The next day was the Thai New Year. They call in Songkran which is this MASSIVE water festival. Basically you can't walk two feet without getting drenched. The streets are filled with people splashing, squirting, soaking.....water everywhere! It's utter mayhem. At one point a fire truck came onto the streets and sprayed us with their hose. For about two or three days I had forgotten what it felt like to be dry. The Thai people know how to throw a party! It got to a point where I really just wanted to be able to walk across the street in peace, but that wasn't gonna happen. Until I gave them my crazy eyes. Nobody wants to mess with a crazy person. And it wouldn't be a vacation if I didn't have some kind of ailment. The first day of Songkran, I got extremely dehydrated. I mean I have never been this dehydrated in my life. To give you an idea of how bad it was, at some point I passed out in the bathroom. I woke up on that nasty floor, not having any clue where I was. Then, to my surprise I found an elephant on the wall. That's right...an elephant. I looked for it the next day, but it wasn't there. Do you believe me when I say that was the most dehydrated I have ever been? It sucked because it was the first night of the water festival so my gang went out to the battle field, while I had to stay in the room and find my sanity. It's always something with me....

My last adventure in Phuket was our tour to the Phi Phi Islands. One word. GORGEOUS! We took a speed boat to all these different islands. I will let the pictures speak for themselves. 

Oh if you are wondering who the fellow is in the back, that is
our friend Neil, not a rapist. 

Boats

Khai Island

Monkey Beach

Twas a grand day at the Phi Phi Islands. Oh, did I mention that our tour guide was a lady man? He/she, we like to say Shim for short, was one of the most annoying human beings I have ever encountered. Words can't describe. Shim kept lap dancing and screaming and changing outfits....I was ready to backhand that lady boy. But all in all, I had the time of my life.

That wondrous vacation had to come to an end at some point. When we came back, we were literally depressed. How pathetic are we? We had a lot of laughs, a lot of terror, but mostly laughs. Hope you have enjoyed this post. If you couldn't tell I had ADD before, I am sure you know now. I apologize for the amounts of confusion you may have experienced while reading this. I should start putting a disclaimer at the top. Until next tiiiiiiiiiiiime......peace and love :)

Helter Skelter

About a week ago, summer school began. What does this mean for us? It means our class size doubled. Instead of having 20 kids, we now have 45, which is about 11 in each group. 5 year old X 11=  CHAOS. Don't get me wrong, love the kids, but any stresses I had as a teacher has multiplied greatly. Sometimes, I just like to sit back and watch the havoc unfold. The thought process of a three year old is astounding. Pick up pencil. Look at pencil. Look at kid sitting next to you. Look back at pencil. Start whacking adjacent kid with pencil as many times as you can before I rip the pencil out of your clenched fist with the Jaws of Life. Gotta love kids. But they are also incredibly adorable. Examples:

I was doing a demonstration in the corner of the classroom. I needed some helpers. So me and a couple of kids are acting out the activity when randomly Ongry jumps out of his seat, runs to me, wraps his arms around me and says, "I love you Teacher Marci!" That child knows how to make my day :)

I was trying to teach the little one year olds how to say robot. "Ro-bot. Its a robot. Ro-bot. Can you say robot?" All four of them start to sing Row Row Row your boat. Robot. Row your boat. Tomayto Tomahto (had to write that one phonetically so you would understand. Don't judge).

Ongry is leaving school. We say our goodbyes, then he runs to his dad, leaps in the air and does a heal click. I hereby declare Ongry to be a stupendous gentleman of sorts.

I have about a million more examples of why these kids are the most awesome kids on earth as we know it, but this would turn into a novel. As if my blog posts aren't long enough.

In other news, another exciting event of our lives in Phichit was our mid-semester visit. Jared (a director from ILP) came to see how the school was running. None of us realized how weird we were until our conversations were being observed by an outsider. Those judgmental looks directed at us while talking about our desire for magical foot elves to massage our feet. I don't care who you are, little feet massaging elves is a great idea! It didn't really start to sink in that we aren't exactly normal until Jared walked in on "story time." What's story time you ask? Well I'll tell you. I read The Hunger Games out loud to my roommates. And I have a different voice for each character. Go ahead Jared. Judge me. But I know that all you reading this secretly wished that I read to you in a variety of voices.

We also went to a movie this week!! Woooo! And yes, it WAS in Thai. Before the movie started, it played a little slide show to pay respects to the King. As we looked around to see what the locals were doing, we frantically stood up to, you know, pay our respects. That lasted a good minute. Then the movie started. The movie was Mirror Mirror. Now.....this movie....was....how do I say.....an abomination to film making and society as we know it. And had it been in English, I can only imagine it would have made it worse. Don't worry, I laughed my loud obnoxious laugh through the whole thing. 70 baht well spent.

The last of my adventures I shall share with you are the beginnings of Home Visits. We have done three this week. A home visit is basically where you go to the student's home, the parents feed you a massive dinner while the child hides behind their mom. The first house we wen to was Mhew Mhew's (my mini me for those who need a refresher). Her greeting was priceless. She was in those bouncer/chair/tray/rolley things (my writing at its best). She was in that thing and said hello and scooted around the floor. The best description we came up with was Dr. Octopus from Spiderman. The resemblance was uncanny.

Name was our next visit. Her parents brought her out in her stroller. Let me back up. The running joke her has been if you ever want to get out of a situation you don't want to be in, just pretend you are asleep. Guess what Name did? She pretended she was asleep. For probably 30 minutes. And boy, is she an active sleeper. She grabbed some flowers, and pushed Kaitlen's hand away with her leg, threw a mango, hung on to her dad like a monkey, it was quite remarkable. And it also proved our theory.

The last one we visited was Kaow Tung. What a surprise! We turn to corner to go to his house and there, before our very eyes, was not a humble abode, but a sprawling manor. The kid lives in a freakin palace basically. MTV Cribs needs to come over there. Apparently his dad is a politician, so they have body guards and servants out the wazoo. Didn't see that one coming at all. We were expecting to walk in and see Kaow Tung in a white fur robe, gold chain, mullet flowing, petting a leopard, and sitting on a chaise made out of a bear. He was actually super excited to see us which made him even more awesome.

Well that is all for now. My apologies for the lack of pictures. I know most of you probably won't even read this line because you stopped when you saw the text to image ratio. I take full blame. Anywho....I am off to my 10 day vacation in just a few hours. You shall be hearing all about it soon enough!