Help!

Before I begin I should put a disclaimer. NOTE: There will be no pictures in this post. Okay, are you still reading? Most likely not. In which case, I have a confession. I like to bite people's toes off.

So if you didn't stop reading when you found out there wouldn't be any pictures, I am sure I lost you now. Too bad because do I have a story for you! Be prepared for a lot of ranting and raving. Usually I have tales of adventure....not today. This time its about my agonizing experience with the Chinese Embassy in Bangkok. I hope you find it comical because some good needs to come out of this experience. Let's being, shall we?

I am headed to China after my stay here in Thailand so I needed to take a trip to Bangkok to get my visa. Tang (my coordinator) took me for the weekend. Very nice of her, but I was missing my last weekend in Phichit. Already a bummer. But, you know me, gotta keep a positive attitude! Well Monday morning came. Tang had a business meeting so we called a taxi the night before to take me to the embassy. I woke up at 6, got ready and waited for my taxi. No taxi. Wait. No taxi. We called them and apparently the driver got confused so I have to wait another hour and a half for a new taxi to come. Not terrible. Inconvenient, but not terrible. My taxi came and we were off. Just me and the taxi driver. He kept trying to talk to me in Thai, but unfortunately I had no idea what he was saying. I just responded with nervous laughing. It was a fun hour.

I finally got to the Embassy at 9:15. More waiting. That was pretty much most of my day. Waiting. I got my number, 74, and sat down. I was by myself, sitting there, minding my own business, when suddenly this man sits next to me. We start shootin the breeze. He was from America but hasn't lived there for a while. Anywho, after about an hour and a half of waiting I see my number approaching. 70, 71, 72, so I tell this guy its almost my turn. He asks me some random question, I answer and then book it up to the window. I was literally two seconds late. The lady denied me, and the next number came up and she helped the guy behind me. I stood there, baffled at what had just unfolded. She actually turned me away! Two seconds. TWO SECONDS!! Ah well. I figured I could just get a new number. First number: 74. Second number: 177. One hundred and seventy-freakin-seven. But I still kept positive. I mean what else did I have to do besides sit at an embassy all day? At this point it was about 11. Well this man sitting next to me decides he needs to tell me his whole life story. He went on about robotic arms cutting into lungs, ex wife, butterball grand daughter, how great the new ipod shuffle is, pictures of his new Thai wife, yadda yadda yadda. All I know is you definitely realize there is a serious age/maturity difference when he mentions his old company Seman's, and all I can do is smirk. I mean he mentioned it a half a dozen times and every time I stifled a laugh. Yup random guy, I'm immature. Get over it.

Well I proceeded to wait until about 12:40. MY TURN!! Luckily I didn't have too many problems. I filled out a few extra things and was on my way. PHEW!!! Now I just had to kill a couple of hours until I could pick my visa up.

Oh, let me take a break from this story for a moment and tell you one of the most horrific things I have ever seen. I was walking the streets of Bangkok and I saw and old woman. She opened her mouth and started flicking her tongue when suddenly her tooth freed itself from her gums. I shall never be the same...

Back to Hell. I went back to the Embassy at 3. Ya this is turning into an all day thing. I got there slightly early so I would be one of the first in line. More waiting, then time to pick up my visa. You are supposed to wait in the first line, pay, get a receipt, go to the next line, get visa. I go up to the window to pay, but they just handed my money back without a word. You could say I was a bit confused at this point. Remember, no one speaks English, I don't speak Thai. Creates quite the barrier. I went to the next window thinking they could help me. They told me to go to the next window where I had a lovely conversation with a woman. She asked what my occupation was in America. I told her receptionist. On the application I had to write my company information. She started questioning me about Lifetouch. She said her boss wanted to talk to me. So I had to talk to this lady's boss about Lifetouch! She was concerned that we took pictures for the news. She was accusing me of having alternative reasons for visiting China, ergo, I wasn't going to get my flippin visa because I answered phones and a photography company that takes pictures for a year book. I wanted to stab this lady's eyeballs with the dried up pen she gave me to use. Instead I tried to be as pleasant as possible. After being interrogated for a good fifteen minutes, they told me to wait. MORE WAITING. I had to wait till every single person was done, for reasons I do not know, then they FINALLY gave me my visa. Thank you Chinese Embassy for being the most unpleasant business I have ever had to deal with. Ever. I am making you a plaque. But at least I got my visa. That was the goal.

The next step in my journey involved flagging down a taxi. I was able to get one no problem, gave him the address Tang gave me, hoping he knew where he was going because I sure didn't. I get in this taxi, just me and him. I'm in the back seat, chillin. I could tell he wanted to make conversation but he knew that was a dead end. (see language barrier). Instead we sat in silence. The poor guy. Any one who has been in my presence for more than five minutes knows that I emit awkwardness from my inner being. I can't help it, it's in my nature. I, however, am used to it. This taxi driver, unfortunately was not. The fidgeting began. Than the sighing. Gurgling, scratching, tapping. The awkwardness was literally tearing this guy apart. Occasionally, he would open his mouth to say something but remember I'm an idiot who doesn't know Thai. Finally, the silence was too much for him so he turned on the radio. It was the slow turning of the knob where he would test the volume and realize he needed to go louder to drown out my aura. Once he reached optimal awkwardness stifling volume (ya, that's a real thing) he was able to relax a bit. Until he caught me staring at him in the rear view mirror. That freaked him out a bit. I will say it again....I CAN'T HELP IT! I'm awkward, okay? I surprised he didn't swerve into oncoming traffic to end his misery. He must have been thinking death was surely a better choice than having to put up with whatever he was experience. But after an hour of suffering, a few more notch turns on the radio and trial and error of locating the correct address, I made it home safely, visa in hand.

I have never been so happy to be back in Phichit with my adorable kiddos. Sadly, it has to come to an end soon. My last days here are sure to be memorable. Hope those who endured this post enjoyed. Peace and Love :)